Alexa, Add Gratitude to My Shopping List

I unscrewed the cap of a toothpaste tube this morning. I know, call the media. (I did, actually. And here we are.) But this is the thing: I can’t remember the last time I had to unscrew the cap of a tube of toothpaste. They just flip open now. One of those many daily time-and-effort savers the designers and engineers of the last, oh, 50 years have made possible. Like shampoo bottles that store upside down, so you don’t have to whack them for five minutes to get the shampoo out. Why did it take so long to figure that one out?

I spent the day noticing these little breakthroughs.

I moved a suitcase to my office closet and I didn’t have to lift it. It rolled there. On four independent wheels! I left the refrigerator door open and nothing melted, because my fridge beeps at me to warn me when the door is open. My car door unlocks as I approach the car and locks when I leave it. My headlights turn on automatically at dusk and I can’t accidentally blind you with my high beams, either, because they switch off when they see you coming.

I have an empty file of dated manila envelopes that I used to stick my “bills to be paid” in, so I would pay them on time. The odds of me being late on a bill now are about the same as me leaving the refrigerator door open, because they get paid automatically on their due date. If the coffee creamer in my very smart fridge is running low, I call out “Alexa, put coffee creamer on my shopping list” and I won’t forget it when I go to the supermarket. Because, trust me, otherwise I would forget.

Never mind microwave ovens and iPhones — although isn’t it nice not to have a Rolodex taking up half the desk? — and satellite television. I’m talking Ziploc baggies with actual zips. Hairbrushes. Have you noticed how much better hairbrushes have gotten? LED lightbulbs. Clothes hangers that your clothes don’t slip off. Toilet paper holders that hold back-up rolls of toilet paper. You can walk around your house and pick out a hundred little conveniences that just sort of appeared over the past few decades.

Of course I am typing this directly onto the place that will publish it worldwide and archive it forever. I used to have to FedEx copy to proofreaders, because there was no spellcheck, and make carbon copies of anything I wanted to keep a record of. Fax machines saved me the FedEx bill and the carbon paper. I think I’ve had the same box of staples since sometime in the last century.

Okay. So what’s the point of this other than “Gee, Ethlie, you’re old” and what does it have to do with love addiction? The point is that Ziploc baggies that zip and hangers that your clothes don’t slip off are a tool of recovery. The tool is gratitude. My daily life has been made safer and more convenient than it was when I was my son’s age, and if I don’t take a moment to pay attention to that, I can’t be grateful for it. So occasionally, I try to slow down and pay attention.

There’s a beloved chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that used to be called “Doctor, Addict, Alcoholic” but is now called “Acceptance Was the Answer.” The fellow who wrote it, Dr. Paul as he was known, talked about his “magic magnifying mind.” Whatever he focuses it on, increases.

“When I focus on what’s good today, I have a good day,” he said, “and when I focus on what’s bad, I have a bad day." I don’t know about you, but when I’m having a bad day, my first thought is often to pop a pill or to call a big strong (and entirely inappropriate) man to make it all better. It seldom works out the way I want it to. The world is better off when I don’t have a bad day.

I have developed a habit of writing down something I am grateful for every day, and sharing it with another person. It has to be different every day; I can’t always be grateful for my health or my kid. I have to keep my eyes open and actively look for something that gives me joy. Even if it’s just a toothpaste cap that flips open, or a shampoo bottle you don’t have to struggle to get shampoo out of.

Try it for a week. You have my permission to make a group text chain out of it, even though I consider group text chains one of the more dubious 21st Century advances. See what happens. Let me know.