Well, Shit

Knowing Better and Doing It Anyway

Fuck me. This video (bad lighting, no edits — sorry) was recorded in 2021. I could have recorded it this morning. I could kick myself and say, “Woman, you’ve learned nothing!” — but that’s not quite true. I’ve learned plenty. The problem is, I already knew plenty back then.

As I say in the video (and in my last post), I should listen to myself more. But honestly, even if I did, it might not make a difference. Love addiction comes with this mental blind spot almost word-for-word the way the AA Big Book describes an alcoholic relapse. I didn’t pour whisky in my milk; I sent a text I swore I wouldn’t send. I didn’t debate it, I didn’t call a friend to stop me… I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was already done.

So yeah, this is a little depressing, and it makes me look lousy — the dim lighting/no editing, plus the oh-my-god-why-am-I-still-here part — but I’m posting it anyway. Because maybe you’ll relate, and maybe you won’t feel so alone.