"We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued."
I have full clarity on this... my partner doesn’t. And it drives me nuts... but in his defense, I am somewhat unreachable which is like Batman creating the Joker. The sexual part fades away... while love can endure.
But I digress... to your point about the 12 steps being empirical evidence... The nature of anonymity makes it hard to track that evidence. Sure you see success. I know for a fact, you are a success story. I am not. I had to find myself in a way that fit me and that took a decade of pure chaos, but that also brought me clarity about my responsibility. And I think that at the end of the day, taking responsibility doesn’t need to involve not calling your girlfriend. It means understanding that your girlfriend or boyfriend might just not be for you. And it is up to you if you decide to do something about it or not. As for me... I should do something about my partner... but I am a procrastinator.... is there a 12 step for that?
I’m told there is a Procrastinators Anonymous, but they keep postponing the meetings… 😛
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time in your relationship. Relationships are hard. I am a stellar example of how not to do one well. But working the twelve steps made it possible for me to be comfortable in my own skin, relationship or no relationship. Other people may find healing other ways. Whatever works for you!
I feel like I am at the opposite end of #4
"We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued."
I have full clarity on this... my partner doesn’t. And it drives me nuts... but in his defense, I am somewhat unreachable which is like Batman creating the Joker. The sexual part fades away... while love can endure.
But I digress... to your point about the 12 steps being empirical evidence... The nature of anonymity makes it hard to track that evidence. Sure you see success. I know for a fact, you are a success story. I am not. I had to find myself in a way that fit me and that took a decade of pure chaos, but that also brought me clarity about my responsibility. And I think that at the end of the day, taking responsibility doesn’t need to involve not calling your girlfriend. It means understanding that your girlfriend or boyfriend might just not be for you. And it is up to you if you decide to do something about it or not. As for me... I should do something about my partner... but I am a procrastinator.... is there a 12 step for that?
I’m told there is a Procrastinators Anonymous, but they keep postponing the meetings… 😛
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time in your relationship. Relationships are hard. I am a stellar example of how not to do one well. But working the twelve steps made it possible for me to be comfortable in my own skin, relationship or no relationship. Other people may find healing other ways. Whatever works for you!